This time of year is FULL of pressures. As a mother of 4 kids with 3 birthdays over Christmas and New Year, I know only too well how the stress can be overwhelming at times.

December has become Christmas hasn’t it? With retailers and the media looking for more ways to increase the spending, we are seeing Christmas appear in the shops after Guy Faulks night on 5th November. Being honest, this make me sad. It feels like the meaning of Christmas has changed; to give and receive; connect with family and the community and find peace. I’m not religious anymore (I was brought up Church of England), but I still adore the idea of Christmas; the carol singing, the tree, the pretty decorations - and of course the excuse to devour food and drink that we would usually class as the occasional treat - every day.

As a result of the shops ramping up the Christmas spirit earlier, I am and I’m sure you are, feeling the pressures. Some would say it’s a good thing, having a longer run-in and more time to get organised, but because I flatly refuse to even glance at a bauble until at least 2nd December, I seem to fall into the trap of finding the whole time one of expectations leading to disappointments. I just can’t ever quite get it “right”. And I know I’m not alone feeling this.

Now i’m sure you can relate to this: Generally, in my household it’s down to me to “DO” Christmas because my husband works long hours and has little time to “bother” with it… so I’m expected to find the time out of my already busy day’s to locate the Christmas boxes amongst the huge pile of “keep-sakes and collectables” in the basement and decorate the house/tree/dog, etc., (this takes at least a DAY). I am then pressured to write and post the 100 Christmas cards (plus the ones from the kids; that’s another 120, so please don’t get me started because last year I sent charity online cards and it took me just as long locating everyones email addresses only to manage to delete them and have to start from scratch an hour later). Then there’s the kids Christmas and Birthday lists - and the Father Christmas lists (x 4). The endless supply of treat food and drink (we are sober this Christmas and that is for another blog!). And the WRAPPING. Not to mention the hosting of and attending the various parties. Phew!

That has just exhausted me writing it actually. If my expectations of all of this are high then it will result in me feeling like a failure when things don’t go to plan; which will result in me having poor self worth, start comparing myself to others, feel guilty about everything and then blame myself for that too - and I may then also blame the kids, the husband, the relatives and the dog. Sound familiar? Top this off with too much sugar, booze, lack of exercise, lack of fresh air, not the usual self care routine, and you have someone that boils over at the slightest annoyance and generally feels low, useless and disconnected from the very people they need to feel connected to.

So this is what I’m going to do in order not to have too many expectations of myself, and I suggest you take notes and see if you can’t take a leaf out of my book:

5 Top Tips to manage expectations over Christmas

Forgiveness: I fully intend to forgive myself for not getting it all done, all right and for sometimes losing my cool. I will also forgive any of my mostly well-intended relatives when they say things that add’s to my pressure or makes me feel like i’m not enough/getting it right/just flipping failing.
Self compassion: Yes. Listening to what I need and not doing too much of what I don’t need - moderation, self love, self awareness and self care. Being mindful of the food and drink I eat and enjoying the moments as they come. Nourishing myself with it all and savouring each delicious morsel. Hugs and more hugs. Smiles, laughter and silliness - Christmas is a great time to bring out the inner child.
Gratitude: So much this. Being grateful for 3 things in the morning when I wake up and for 3 things as I go to sleep at night. It works wonders for the mindset and helps so much with general mood, switching from any negative rumination and bringing more awareness to what I have, rather than coming from a place of lack, which at this time of year we often find we feel because of the media and all it attempts to sell to us!
Pacing myself and taking time out: This works wonders. It’s not to say I can’t over indulge and have fun. But having a yin to the yang will be so helpful in the long run and I know it. Also realising when I’m taking on too much and planning too much to do with the kids. It’s a time to slow down and reflect. Kids are so overstimulated by what they expect, see, eat and do at this time of year. They and we are tired and need to hibernate in winter. So keeping that in mind will be helpful, especially when the kids are showing classic signs of a sugar rush and over tired but bored. Time to get out the board games or wrap up warm for a beach walk.
Sticking to some of the routine, even though I know it’s also great not to have to get up for work and the school run. I also know that if I have too much of a lie-in or make excuses not to have a walk with the dog, I actually feel worse in the long-run. Sticking to some of the things I know will help me think and feel better, like fresh air, meditation, journaling and yoga will be so much more rewarding. However, I won’t beat myself up for not doing all of them everyday too. Again, this goes for the kids too; they need some of the normal or it throws them off balance and that usually amounts to them being loud, stroppy, reckless, needy and over-stimulated. These are all signs to give them some of their routine back or insist they turn off the TV/screens and do something productive instead. (Wish me luck with that!).

“Wishing you a very merry Christmas and New Year! Being as merry as you can in whatever way that means without tipping you off balance for too long! We all need to recognise our naughty side too - thats healthy and important. Just being aware of the consequences of setting the barr too high when it comes to expectations can help so much in the long run.”

— The Mamma Coach